Tuesday, January 06, 2004
THE TOP TEN FILMS I HAVE SEEN OF 2003
There are some usual suspects I have yet to see, like Cold Mountain and House of Sand and Fog. But from what I have seen, the top 10 are:
10. The Eye
What's not to love about contemporary Asian horror? An imaginative premise and spot-on execution make this an armrest-grabber.
9. Finding Nemo
Not as good as last year's Monsters, Inc., nor probably even Toy Story 2. But breathtaking animation and talented voicework lend themselves to a top-notch comedy.
8. Matchstick Men
You can see the "twist" coming miles away, but the assured touch of Ridley Scott and his cast of pros put the focus on emotion and character.
7. Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
Johnny Depp gives a hilarious performance that buoys a clever script that brings the best of swashbuckling and ghost stories into one cartoonish romp. Gore Verbinski proves that he's competent enough to make a good movie from a good script.
6. Better Luck Tomorrow
Smart and funny, a ripping satire of high schoolers try to get ahead in life. Director Justin Lin shows he's someone to watch.
5. Charlie's Angles: Full Throttle
The most criminally maligned film of recent memory. A delirious and hilarious send-up of the Summer Tentpole Release genre, it does everything Kill Bill does, only with a sense of fun. Shame on critics who applaud the latter only because they respect the reference points, as though 70s kung-fu cinema really is worthier than 80s TV. Neither film says anything about -- well, Charlie's Angels does critique its genre, so I guess it's Tarantino's whackfest that is full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
4. Mystic River
Clint in top form, conducting a marvellous cast through an in-depth character study. Like the great Unforgiven, it explodes traditional ideas of righteous vengeance, but does so without a redemptive ending. Though not quite the film as its predecessor, it stands proud on its own terms.
3. Intolerable Cruelty
Not the commercial sell-out some feared and many critics reviewed it as. The Coens end a two-film mini-slump by deconstructing the romantic comedy, with a great assist by their two fearless leads. I literally laughed non-stop from beginning to end.
2. Lost in Translation
Sofia Coppola is the best young director we have today. There I said it. She just edges out Wes Anderson and Paul Thomas Anderson in my mind. All this has going for it is a great Bill Murray performance, the first good one of Scarlet Johanssen's career, a hilarious Anna Faris, spellbinding cinematography from Lance Acord, a funny and touching story, and, well, what more could you want? Except for ...
1. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
A singular accomplishment. Totally unique in film history. There are too many superlatives ...
There are some usual suspects I have yet to see, like Cold Mountain and House of Sand and Fog. But from what I have seen, the top 10 are:
10. The Eye
What's not to love about contemporary Asian horror? An imaginative premise and spot-on execution make this an armrest-grabber.
9. Finding Nemo
Not as good as last year's Monsters, Inc., nor probably even Toy Story 2. But breathtaking animation and talented voicework lend themselves to a top-notch comedy.
8. Matchstick Men
You can see the "twist" coming miles away, but the assured touch of Ridley Scott and his cast of pros put the focus on emotion and character.
7. Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
Johnny Depp gives a hilarious performance that buoys a clever script that brings the best of swashbuckling and ghost stories into one cartoonish romp. Gore Verbinski proves that he's competent enough to make a good movie from a good script.
6. Better Luck Tomorrow
Smart and funny, a ripping satire of high schoolers try to get ahead in life. Director Justin Lin shows he's someone to watch.
5. Charlie's Angles: Full Throttle
The most criminally maligned film of recent memory. A delirious and hilarious send-up of the Summer Tentpole Release genre, it does everything Kill Bill does, only with a sense of fun. Shame on critics who applaud the latter only because they respect the reference points, as though 70s kung-fu cinema really is worthier than 80s TV. Neither film says anything about -- well, Charlie's Angels does critique its genre, so I guess it's Tarantino's whackfest that is full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
4. Mystic River
Clint in top form, conducting a marvellous cast through an in-depth character study. Like the great Unforgiven, it explodes traditional ideas of righteous vengeance, but does so without a redemptive ending. Though not quite the film as its predecessor, it stands proud on its own terms.
3. Intolerable Cruelty
Not the commercial sell-out some feared and many critics reviewed it as. The Coens end a two-film mini-slump by deconstructing the romantic comedy, with a great assist by their two fearless leads. I literally laughed non-stop from beginning to end.
2. Lost in Translation
Sofia Coppola is the best young director we have today. There I said it. She just edges out Wes Anderson and Paul Thomas Anderson in my mind. All this has going for it is a great Bill Murray performance, the first good one of Scarlet Johanssen's career, a hilarious Anna Faris, spellbinding cinematography from Lance Acord, a funny and touching story, and, well, what more could you want? Except for ...
1. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
A singular accomplishment. Totally unique in film history. There are too many superlatives ...
Thursday, December 18, 2003
VIDEO REVIEW PALOOZA
So, I just went to iFilm and checked out what they think sexy videos are. And here we go:
"Honey" by Tosca
Directed by Marcus Ross
Grade: D+
Mostly inept attempt at softcore porn features skinny but comely female models licking the titular liquid from each other's ... well, you get it. No nudity, but it wouldn't have helped. The dreary techno tunes of Tosca don't add much to the proceedings.
"Train" by Goldfrapp
Directed by Dawn Shadforth
Grade: C+
Goldfrapp's lead singer struts in front of a modern-day burlesque more raunch than sexy. There is also impressive tassel twirling, brief mudwrestling, and people dressed as deer.
I was going to do more but everything sucks.
So, I just went to iFilm and checked out what they think sexy videos are. And here we go:
"Honey" by Tosca
Directed by Marcus Ross
Grade: D+
Mostly inept attempt at softcore porn features skinny but comely female models licking the titular liquid from each other's ... well, you get it. No nudity, but it wouldn't have helped. The dreary techno tunes of Tosca don't add much to the proceedings.
"Train" by Goldfrapp
Directed by Dawn Shadforth
Grade: C+
Goldfrapp's lead singer struts in front of a modern-day burlesque more raunch than sexy. There is also impressive tassel twirling, brief mudwrestling, and people dressed as deer.
I was going to do more but everything sucks.
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
VIDEOS ARE GETTING DEPRESSING
I haven't been enthused to write any review lately, and not because I have no readers. I haven't been enthused because the quality of videos is getting fucking depressing. OK, there has always been a low signal to noise ratio, but come on.
There is now in regular play on the channel MTV Hits (give us 22 minutes, we'll give you all the videos we have in rotation) a video for a song called "Get Low." This is a horrible song, just awful. I guess it might do you some good in a club if it's loud and the bass is bouncing off your face, but I can't imagine wanting to hear the damn thing. As bad as the song is, the video is worse.
The video is sexist and, more damningly, bad at being sexist. What is the one thing hip-hop videos have going for them? That's right: hot women. This video can't even get hot women in it. So instead we get the spectacle of sexually objectifying ugly women.
Complaints of sexism probably sound hollow on a site featuring the Rack of the Week. But I think there is a line between healthy fun (looking at racks) and advertising a lifestyle in which the world is seen as a strip club. Lil' Jon and Whoever the Fuck start the video in a barbershop where you get lapdances while you wait for your hair cut. What?
Nearly every hip-hop video even remotely in the mainstream in the last ten years has been exactly the same. Big party/club scene? Check. Rappers flashing fancy clothes, expensive jewelry, and shiny cars? Check. Underclad hotties shaking their butts and boobs? Check.
What the hell is this? And you know it: just about every hip-hop video does this. (The exceptions, such as Bryan Barber's thought-provoking video for OutKast's "The Whole World" are few enough to easily remember.) Jay-Z insisted that he make a single and a video out of the song "Big Pimpin'." Why? "Because [paraphrased] people need to see what big pimpin' is all about." Yeah, thanks, HOVA, because the last ten years of videos identical to yours hadn't clued us in.
And then we have a bunch of rock videos with music that can barely be classified as rock. We have Simple Plan whining in the rain, we have Blink 182 frolicking with Catholic school girls in prison. (Get it? Restrictive schools are like prison, and all these inner party animals are just waiting for rock to set them free!)
And then we get pop, with Britney babbling about nothing or Xtina prancing around pushing her fake tits together to some "ballad" best suited for an elevator. In hell.
And then you get some song by a bunch of fourteen-year-olds with the lines "I want to break out/Get me some take-out". Huh? Does that mean something?
So, there's still a lot of great work out there, but it's so hard to find it anymore, what with the programming hegemony of MTV. There are videos that are fun, thoughtful, innovative, primitive, comical, serious, and, yes, even sexy without making you feel like you wallow in the depths. OK, a lot of this quality are found on the DVDs below, but there's more where they came from.
I just can't be inspired to write a review about it. Sorry. Maybe next week.
I haven't been enthused to write any review lately, and not because I have no readers. I haven't been enthused because the quality of videos is getting fucking depressing. OK, there has always been a low signal to noise ratio, but come on.
There is now in regular play on the channel MTV Hits (give us 22 minutes, we'll give you all the videos we have in rotation) a video for a song called "Get Low." This is a horrible song, just awful. I guess it might do you some good in a club if it's loud and the bass is bouncing off your face, but I can't imagine wanting to hear the damn thing. As bad as the song is, the video is worse.
The video is sexist and, more damningly, bad at being sexist. What is the one thing hip-hop videos have going for them? That's right: hot women. This video can't even get hot women in it. So instead we get the spectacle of sexually objectifying ugly women.
Complaints of sexism probably sound hollow on a site featuring the Rack of the Week. But I think there is a line between healthy fun (looking at racks) and advertising a lifestyle in which the world is seen as a strip club. Lil' Jon and Whoever the Fuck start the video in a barbershop where you get lapdances while you wait for your hair cut. What?
Nearly every hip-hop video even remotely in the mainstream in the last ten years has been exactly the same. Big party/club scene? Check. Rappers flashing fancy clothes, expensive jewelry, and shiny cars? Check. Underclad hotties shaking their butts and boobs? Check.
What the hell is this? And you know it: just about every hip-hop video does this. (The exceptions, such as Bryan Barber's thought-provoking video for OutKast's "The Whole World" are few enough to easily remember.) Jay-Z insisted that he make a single and a video out of the song "Big Pimpin'." Why? "Because [paraphrased] people need to see what big pimpin' is all about." Yeah, thanks, HOVA, because the last ten years of videos identical to yours hadn't clued us in.
And then we have a bunch of rock videos with music that can barely be classified as rock. We have Simple Plan whining in the rain, we have Blink 182 frolicking with Catholic school girls in prison. (Get it? Restrictive schools are like prison, and all these inner party animals are just waiting for rock to set them free!)
And then we get pop, with Britney babbling about nothing or Xtina prancing around pushing her fake tits together to some "ballad" best suited for an elevator. In hell.
And then you get some song by a bunch of fourteen-year-olds with the lines "I want to break out/Get me some take-out". Huh? Does that mean something?
So, there's still a lot of great work out there, but it's so hard to find it anymore, what with the programming hegemony of MTV. There are videos that are fun, thoughtful, innovative, primitive, comical, serious, and, yes, even sexy without making you feel like you wallow in the depths. OK, a lot of this quality are found on the DVDs below, but there's more where they came from.
I just can't be inspired to write a review about it. Sorry. Maybe next week.
Monday, November 03, 2003
BUY THESE FUCKING DVDS
Spike Jonze, Michel Gondry, and Chris Cunningham have DVDs out of some of their top videos. Buy them, own them, watch them. I'll be giving reviews on the first two mentioned discs as I go along with them. But it's better if you watch them.
Spike Jonze, Michel Gondry, and Chris Cunningham have DVDs out of some of their top videos. Buy them, own them, watch them. I'll be giving reviews on the first two mentioned discs as I go along with them. But it's better if you watch them.
MUSIC VIDEO REVIEW
"Trouble" by Pink
Directed by Sophie Muller
Grade: B+
Pink dressed up like an Old West whore, marches into town, and raises trouble. It seems that someone, or something, in this town has done Pink wrong; she gazes at a grave marker with sadness as she enters Sharktown.
There is something unconventionally sexy about Pink, who lacks a Barbie doll body or a classic face. Part of it is her attitude, but some of if here is her comely bust-enhancing outfit.
There's not much depth to this video -- nor the song, nor any of her songs, really -- but it's passable enjoyable, so there you go.
"Trouble" by Pink
Directed by Sophie Muller
Grade: B+
Pink dressed up like an Old West whore, marches into town, and raises trouble. It seems that someone, or something, in this town has done Pink wrong; she gazes at a grave marker with sadness as she enters Sharktown.
There is something unconventionally sexy about Pink, who lacks a Barbie doll body or a classic face. Part of it is her attitude, but some of if here is her comely bust-enhancing outfit.
There's not much depth to this video -- nor the song, nor any of her songs, really -- but it's passable enjoyable, so there you go.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
MUSIC VIDEO REVIEW
"Stand" by Jewel
Directed by Chris Applebaum and Brand New School
Grade: B-
Jewel writes a song enjoining us to join her in taking a stand. For what? Against what? Amongst other things ... we should disapprove of cops robbing from corner markets to pay whores, of brain cancer, of hypocrisy, of soldiers dying in war. In the middle of these literal-minded tableaux, Jewel takes a shower.
Look, this is just dumb.
"Stand" by Jewel
Directed by Chris Applebaum and Brand New School
Grade: B-
Jewel writes a song enjoining us to join her in taking a stand. For what? Against what? Amongst other things ... we should disapprove of cops robbing from corner markets to pay whores, of brain cancer, of hypocrisy, of soldiers dying in war. In the middle of these literal-minded tableaux, Jewel takes a shower.
Look, this is just dumb.
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
MUSIC VIDEO REVIEW
"Me Against the Music" by La Britney featuring Madonna
Directed by Paul Hunter
Grade: Like It Matters
To avoid confusion, I will point out that I want to fuck Britney Spears. This is the sole source of her appeal; men want to fuck her and women want to be fucked like we want to fuck her. Beyond this fuckability, there is nothing, nothing to recommend Britney to the world.
Does she have talent? She can dance a little, and sing enough. You'd think that latter point would stop her from being a pop star -- nay, a pop goddess -- and then you remember that nowadays, singing doesn't matter in music. Britney has no soul to her singing, and the songs she sings are lackluster drones that occasionally have enough energy to keep you from muting the TV while your fuck fantasy brain cells go into overdrive. This isn't Janis Joplin we're talking about here; this isn't even the Shangri-Las.
Is she smart? She rejects the Sundance Film Festival as "weird" because "you have to think while you watch" the films on display. And part of her public image is as the innocent who doesn't, doesn't try to, and doesn't want to know over her physical power over men. As pointed out in her current Esquire profile, she is either a genius or an idiot; a fuck-doll savant.
And she's no longer virginal, having given herself to an infantile twit with even less talent than she, but with a bigger ego and more misplaced sense of importance. Of course, the Britney consortium as turned her into a victim, defiled then spurned by the playboy with a heart of lead. At long last, the Britney image allows something that is probably true.
All of this is part of an ongoing plan of evolution, where the trevails in Britney's life and "songs" mirror those of the young girls actually deluded enough to pay money into the enterprise, and therefore comprise her core audience. From the doomed schoolgirl crush ("My loneliness is killing me," she purred in "... Baby One More Time") to resiliant young woman ("My loneliness ain't killing me no more" was a proclamation in "Stronger") to the explorative sex kitten with the spelling skills of Prince in "I'm a Slave 4 U."
Of course, the mother of all career reinvention, and the mother of the modern female pop star, is the overexposed Madonna. La Britney's public admiration of Madonna was early and obvious, and Madonna returned the favor by wearing shirts featuring Britney's moniker. The comparison was always fatuous to some degree; Britney has yet to dress in the garb of Gaultier, walk naked on Hollywood streets, or publish a collection of artsy photographs of her cooch. Regardless, Britney has constantly tried to be the daughter Madonna finally had, and Lourdes has quite a bit to live up to, what with Britney's convincing Single White Female on her mother's career.
This video animates an inane song, full of inane lyrics and banal beats. Madonna shows up in white to oppose Britney's black (reminiscent of Madonna's "Vogue" period), as though they were engaging in some cosmic diva chess match. Britney dances on the floor in mechanical moves, Madonna appears on a screen, and in between Britney chases Madonna -- which of course she has been doing for her entire "life."
Madonna has a short bridge to handle, in which she advises Britney to "bare [her] soul," which may be something like asking Hitler to bare his inner yarmoulke. Shockingly enough, this may be Madonna's real advice to her spiritual daughter. "Wanna be like me? Reveal the inner you." But what if there isn't one? What if the essence of Britney is really a fully fleshed media creation? Well ... is that really so different than Madonna, anyway? The difference -- the importance of which we cannot discount -- is that Madonna did it first.
The video concludes with Britney attempting to recreate her iconic sapphic moment with Madonna, only to find Madonna vanishing into the vapor, the unattainable dream that the soulless Fuckbot can never grasp, the original the replicant dreams to be. Is Madonna aware of these implications? Does Madonna ally with Britney as part of her own public relations career? Perhaps there are more chapters in this Diva of the Nibelung waiting to be written, sung, and gloriously and fantastically fucked.
"Me Against the Music" by La Britney featuring Madonna
Directed by Paul Hunter
Grade: Like It Matters
To avoid confusion, I will point out that I want to fuck Britney Spears. This is the sole source of her appeal; men want to fuck her and women want to be fucked like we want to fuck her. Beyond this fuckability, there is nothing, nothing to recommend Britney to the world.
Does she have talent? She can dance a little, and sing enough. You'd think that latter point would stop her from being a pop star -- nay, a pop goddess -- and then you remember that nowadays, singing doesn't matter in music. Britney has no soul to her singing, and the songs she sings are lackluster drones that occasionally have enough energy to keep you from muting the TV while your fuck fantasy brain cells go into overdrive. This isn't Janis Joplin we're talking about here; this isn't even the Shangri-Las.
Is she smart? She rejects the Sundance Film Festival as "weird" because "you have to think while you watch" the films on display. And part of her public image is as the innocent who doesn't, doesn't try to, and doesn't want to know over her physical power over men. As pointed out in her current Esquire profile, she is either a genius or an idiot; a fuck-doll savant.
And she's no longer virginal, having given herself to an infantile twit with even less talent than she, but with a bigger ego and more misplaced sense of importance. Of course, the Britney consortium as turned her into a victim, defiled then spurned by the playboy with a heart of lead. At long last, the Britney image allows something that is probably true.
All of this is part of an ongoing plan of evolution, where the trevails in Britney's life and "songs" mirror those of the young girls actually deluded enough to pay money into the enterprise, and therefore comprise her core audience. From the doomed schoolgirl crush ("My loneliness is killing me," she purred in "... Baby One More Time") to resiliant young woman ("My loneliness ain't killing me no more" was a proclamation in "Stronger") to the explorative sex kitten with the spelling skills of Prince in "I'm a Slave 4 U."
Of course, the mother of all career reinvention, and the mother of the modern female pop star, is the overexposed Madonna. La Britney's public admiration of Madonna was early and obvious, and Madonna returned the favor by wearing shirts featuring Britney's moniker. The comparison was always fatuous to some degree; Britney has yet to dress in the garb of Gaultier, walk naked on Hollywood streets, or publish a collection of artsy photographs of her cooch. Regardless, Britney has constantly tried to be the daughter Madonna finally had, and Lourdes has quite a bit to live up to, what with Britney's convincing Single White Female on her mother's career.
This video animates an inane song, full of inane lyrics and banal beats. Madonna shows up in white to oppose Britney's black (reminiscent of Madonna's "Vogue" period), as though they were engaging in some cosmic diva chess match. Britney dances on the floor in mechanical moves, Madonna appears on a screen, and in between Britney chases Madonna -- which of course she has been doing for her entire "life."
Madonna has a short bridge to handle, in which she advises Britney to "bare [her] soul," which may be something like asking Hitler to bare his inner yarmoulke. Shockingly enough, this may be Madonna's real advice to her spiritual daughter. "Wanna be like me? Reveal the inner you." But what if there isn't one? What if the essence of Britney is really a fully fleshed media creation? Well ... is that really so different than Madonna, anyway? The difference -- the importance of which we cannot discount -- is that Madonna did it first.
The video concludes with Britney attempting to recreate her iconic sapphic moment with Madonna, only to find Madonna vanishing into the vapor, the unattainable dream that the soulless Fuckbot can never grasp, the original the replicant dreams to be. Is Madonna aware of these implications? Does Madonna ally with Britney as part of her own public relations career? Perhaps there are more chapters in this Diva of the Nibelung waiting to be written, sung, and gloriously and fantastically fucked.
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
VIDEO REVIEW PALOOZA!!!
"I Just Don't Know What to Do with Myself" by The White Stripes
Directed by Sofia Coppola
Grade: A
America gave the UK the Declaration of Independence, but they're probably happier about receiving this exclusive clip for European audiences. Sofia -- director of the amazing The Virgin Suicides and Lost in Translation -- directs superwaif Kate Moss in a black and white interpretive pole dance. Sure, you think I'm praising this video just because Kate Moss dances around in lacy black lingerie, but her movements combine with the song to create an amalgam of allure and yearning. Employ your user-to-user network of choice if you live in the land of the free.
"Todo Lo Que Quiero (All I Want)" by Barbara Baldieri
Directed by ?
Grade: B-
Imagine if one of the sultry dancing companions from an early Enrique Iglesias video got to sing her own song, and it sucked even worse than The Mole's. Comes now Barbara Baldieri to fulfill this particular fantasy. Her physical charms are not to be denied, nor her capable stripper's moves (a prevalent trend in contemporary music video). Ms. Baldieri should be seen and not heard.
"I Just Don't Know What to Do with Myself" by The White Stripes
Directed by Sofia Coppola
Grade: A
America gave the UK the Declaration of Independence, but they're probably happier about receiving this exclusive clip for European audiences. Sofia -- director of the amazing The Virgin Suicides and Lost in Translation -- directs superwaif Kate Moss in a black and white interpretive pole dance. Sure, you think I'm praising this video just because Kate Moss dances around in lacy black lingerie, but her movements combine with the song to create an amalgam of allure and yearning. Employ your user-to-user network of choice if you live in the land of the free.
"Todo Lo Que Quiero (All I Want)" by Barbara Baldieri
Directed by ?
Grade: B-
Imagine if one of the sultry dancing companions from an early Enrique Iglesias video got to sing her own song, and it sucked even worse than The Mole's. Comes now Barbara Baldieri to fulfill this particular fantasy. Her physical charms are not to be denied, nor her capable stripper's moves (a prevalent trend in contemporary music video). Ms. Baldieri should be seen and not heard.
